The Church of Tell It Like It Is

Archive for September, 2013

This Chick has HAD it…..

It’s always Rubber Ducky, Rubber Ducky, Rubber Ducky…..he does nothing but float and look cute while I do all the work. I’m just SICK of it“, said The Chick from her undisclosed organic egg farm. It seems the The Chick has had some hostile words for her fellow yellow colored bird. “I’m tired of being overlooked“, she chirped, “the media always pays attention to the big birds. First it was Big Bird, now this Giant Rubber Duck. When will it end?” The Chick stamped her three-pronged orange foot against an egg while storming off into her hen house. She plans to contact the American Federation for Overworked and Disgruntled Yellow Birds later on in the week. There was no comment from their office when contacted.

Giant Pittsburgh duck: The duck in Pittsburgh

Even OPRAH …. she’s not immune..

It’s a crazy feeling when you’re about to go OVER THE EDGE. Too much pressure surrounding you, the anxiety peaks, you feel trapped, forced into a corner…. you feel like your head is going to crack open, you can’t handle the stress and you just want to run down the street naked…’s enough to make Oprah want to have her producer block anyone from speaking to her ONLY IF IT is a PRIORITY.  (HOW do Oprah’s producers DO it?!? May GOD BLESS THEM.)

…And this is “news”?

So Miley Cyrus, the former Hannah Montana Disney icon was twerking on the MTV Music Awards weeks ago. Why are we still talking about it? Why do we have to hear about what her father has to say? Has anyone else noticed that there are REAL problems in the world? Force fed “interest” “news” stories that I am NOT interested in (or neither are MOST people who have BETTER things to do with their lives than talk about some 20 year old who used the most overused stunt in the book – stripping down to underwear and shaking her ass (GASP!) how “original”) are a complete waste of time and strain on the eyes, ears, and voice. Please media, get something ELSE to put your energies on.  We are about to barf.

Bacterial “Blessings”. Yuck.

The Catholic ritual of making the sign of the cross after dipping your finger tips in Holy water may need some adjustments. Vienna Immunology researchers have found that a high percentage of holy water contains fecal matter and bacteria.  Gross.


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