The Church of Tell It Like It Is

Archive for March, 2014

75% of My Time Spent on Mate Hunting

Hi! My name is Martyra Breed and I wanted to let everyone know that I followed Princeton graduate Susan Patton’s advice LONG ago and I’m SO glad that I did. Because I spent 75% of my college days looking for that perfect, sperm-dumping, college yuppie, my life has just FLOURISHED. For starters, after getting pregnant at 19, I wasn’t even able to finish college ! That’s right! I had to drop out to take care of that Ivy League offspring that Mr. Yuppie only met twice in his entire life! After all, Mr. Yuppie’s education and social mobility is FAR more important than a MERE breeder’s like myself! That’s what we females are here for – to BREED YUPPIE IVY LEAGUE OFFSPRING!!!!!! Anyway, after having to drop out of college to take care of my Ivy League Offspring, I got a part time job at the B Dalton college bookstore to support myself and my child (Mr. Yuppie just bailed and went off to graduate school with some chick from the LaCrosse team, leaving us to fend for ourselves. Oh well! Stuff Happens! ) But I’m SO glad I BRED when I did, because you know, us females, we have to be young in order to breed. So anyway, I met this professor while working at the book store, and within two years, I was knocked up again with twins. Yup! He was SO happy! And me too! I mean the C-section only gave me a four inch deep gap with permanent scaring for life, and I haven’t slept for more than 2 hours per night since, but if it wasn’t for Susan Patton’s advice, I don’t think I could have ever been THAT HAPPY!!! So when the professor dumped me for one of his students 8 years later, and I still hadn’t finished college and was on welfare trying to support my three kids, I had Susan Patton to think of. Now all three of my kids are in prison, my third husband left me for a college freshman (he’s 52) and I’m still trying to get my Associate’s degree at Mercer County Community College at night while I work at Dunkin’ Donuts in the day. I still think of that stellar advice that Susan Patton gives, and how thankful I am that I spent 75% of my college years focusing on becoming some man’s sperm dumping receptacle while he went on to monetary success and younger, softer pussy once mine was all torn up and stretched out, while I sacrificed my career, education and body like the good, stepping-stone, leaning-post that all great martyrs should.  Thank you Susan Patton for keeping this commendable form of martyrdom alive and well. And so it is. Amen.

 

 

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High Society Doesn’t “GET IT”

If I read ONE more STUPID comment by these socialites and people who revel in the limelight about L’Wren Scott’s suicide I’m going to throw up all over the computer.  Comments like: I don’t understand how she could do it……I’m struggling to understand how she could do it….I don’t know why she did it and on and on and on. If these people were SO concerned about her and LESS concerned about their own successes, maybe they’d be able to see that the chick was DEPRESSED! HELLO! She was SIX MILLION SOMETHING DOLLARS IN DEBT at almost 50 years old. Her business WAS HER LIFE. Not a side project, not a hobby, not some afternoon activity. And now, her LIFE was over, so she ENDED it. Seriously? If Mick Jagger’s CAREER was done I sincerely doubt he’d be all jumping up and down with glee.  EXTREME CAPITALISM was her LIFE and it ended up KILLING HER IN THE END. So all the REALLY STUPID people out there, get it through your fat skulls, DEPRESSION doesn’t DISCRIMINATE and when you teach people that MONEY is GOD, some people will believe it to the core of their souls. And so it is. AMEN. (RIP L’Wren Scott hope it’s better wherever you are now)

The Dad Wishes His Son Was Never Born

So Peter Lanza gave a public interview and says he wished his son Adam Lanza (famed Newtown killer) had never been born. He’s not the only one! Adam Lanza was such a MISERABLE human being according to the public interview, that he had to create more misery for those around him (remember the old saying? MISERY LOVES COMPANY).  And what I love about the interview is that Peter Lanza flat out says : “I want people to be afraid of the fact that this could happen to them,”  (Thank you Peter Lanza!) So for all the self-righteous, know-it-alls that are preaching Anti-Choice rantings, please think of Adam Lanza and ALL his victims while doing so – since you folks think you have the right to judge other people’s choices (just sayin’).  In the meantime prayers to all the innocent children and educators, Nancy Lanza and her surviving family members and anybody who has to deal with someone like Adam Lanza on a daily basis. Prayers to you. Seriously. And so it is. Amen.

NO KIDDING !?!?!?

Dr. Drew Pinsky’s daughter Paulina is a bulimic! This is such news! Nobody growing up in Hollywood with rich, famous parents who are obsessed with appearance EVER has this problem.  This is a SHOCK! But not nearly as shocking as Elijah Blue Allman saying that he was on (gasp!) HEROIN! NO! I mean, that known-for-sobriety, pillar of sanity FATHER of his, with his squeaky clean lifestyle: rockin’ and rollin’ with THE ALLMAN BROTHERS…I’m just SPEECHLESS! But WAIT! All of this is NOTHING compared to the EARTH SHATTERING REVELATION that Chris Brown is bi-polar and diagnosed with PTSD! STOP! He’s concealed that SO well over the past few years!  Amazing. Just Amazing. It has been an EVENTFUL day to say the least.

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