The Church of Tell It Like It Is

Archive for May, 2014

Who Needs Enemies With Family Like This

So this 3 months pregnant Farzana Praveen got stoned to death (not high, rocks bashed into her head) by 28 members of her own family, including father and brothers, because she didn’t want to marry the guy they picked for her. And the cops just stood by and let it happen. In other news, the Santa Barbara deputies knew about recent mass murderer Elliot Rodger’s you tube video where he goes on and on about hating women, but they didn’t watch it until AFTER he murdered several innocent people. Any PARALLELS here? Hmmmmm. And so it is. Amen.

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The “Polite” & “Kind” Misogynist Mass Murderer

So after SEVERAL people have been killed and several more wounded, we learn that Elliot Rodger was described as “polite and kind” by police officials who were recently investigating him. (Uh……”right”.) In his “retribution” video Mr. Rodger elaborates on his hatred towards females and how he’s going to kill them. How “polite”. How “kind”. God Bless America. Amen.

 

Egos, Tweets, and Diapers

Will Charlie Sheen ever grow out of a seventh grade mentality? The latest banter between he and Rihanna speaks VOLUMES about his mental state, maturity, and…well… the demand (lol!) for him. Poor guy. So tragic, he’s actually entertaining. Loved Rihanna’s Tweet-back. God Bless America. Amen.

 

 

 

 

Stairway to Hell

Remember that shot of Robert Plant when he was balling his eyes out at some Kennedy Center Honors in 2012? Sentimentalism? Emotional? All those people singing their hearts out PRAISING and GLORIFYING the “mighty” (I’m going to puke) Zeppelin?!? Well, we learn today that there may have been an alternate motive to Mr. Plant’s tears…..GUILT perhaps? Turns out, the family of the guy who actually wrote the guitar riff is suing Led Zeppelin for PLAGIARISM . (What?!? OLD DRUG ADDICTED WHITE GUYS STEAL other people’s music and PROFIT from it?!?!?!? OMG. This is SO RARE!) And it ONLY took about four plus decades to figure this out. And so it is. Amen.

“Being PUSHED in faces……”

LOL. That’s all I can say. So these women on some Dallas talk show got into a heated debate over an NFL gay football player kissing his boyfriend on ESPN. This blonde woman is upset because according to her it’s being “pushed in faces”. Right (AHEM). So the Nazi regime breaks into her home at night, holds a gun to her silky blonde head and says, “Turn on TV now. Watch gay people!” I mean, it’s not like nearly every commercial historically  has shoved the “family values” “nuclear family” agenda down our throats since the beginning of television or anything .(ie. “euphoric females doing the dishes, serving their husbands and kids with either housecleaning or food because they’re SO happy to be the sacrificial martyr/slave” – just watch commercials from the 60’s through the 80’s -hell- even today! I’ve never seen SO many JOY FILLED women on TV scrubbing toilet bowls….GIMME A BREAK!) YET, THOSE OF US WHO DON’T WANT TO WATCH IT, do this really, highly evolved, progressive thing….it’s called….DON”T LOOK!  I just hope for this blonde woman’s sake (who evidently can’t handle watching gay men kiss) that her PRECIOUS OFFSPRING isn’t homosexual (GASP!!!) or she might be in some SERIOUS trouble. And so it is. GOD BLESS AMERICA. AMEN.

 

 

 

Thank You Sharon Osbourne !!!!!!!!!!

Thank you SHARON OSBOURNE for keepin’ it REAL with your latest rant about reality TV singing competitions! UGH! I am SO sick of reality TV singing contests! So boring! So OVER DONE! Speaking of over done…..there’s a NEW REALITY TV SERIES in development now that has a somewhat REFRESHING angle. Instead of American Idol, or America’s Got Talent, or The Voice, this NEW reality show is called THE CLOWN and it focuses on the complexion. You read it right….THE COMPLEXION. The new show, THE CLOWN wants to see if its contestants can really pull the wool over the general public’s eyes. It seeks out some of the most over exposed “talent” that hasn’t had a hit song in over ten years, and has that “talent” compete for the BIG WIN. Ultimately, the “talent” tries to make the general public think that they’re STILL REALLY HIP and RELEVANT,  although they’re  close to 50 years old and still dress like the discount rack at Hot Topic. The pilot show will feature two of the BIGGEST STARS of the 1990’s – Gwen Stefani and Dave Navarro.  Dave and Gwen, who both look REALLY GREAT FOR THEIR AGE (and want EVERYONE TO KNOW IT GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!) will compete in a series of mini-competitions. The total average scores of these mini-competitions will determine the ultimate WINNER. Mini-competitions will include:

1)  Layers of Concealer and Foundation on the Face: Each contestant will turn a corner. The layer of thickness of the foundation that can be seen coming around the corner BEFORE the actual face, will be measured. Whoever has a thicker layer of concealer or foundation wins.

2) The Best Abs: Contestants will lay on the floor with their abdominal muscles exposed. A quarter will be bounced off of the contestants abs. Whoever’s quarter bounces the highest wins.

3) Greatest Dye Job: Contestants will have a clump of their heavily dyed hair measured for amount of treatment and processing in the hair. If there is absolutely NO gray detected, the contestant will receive extra bonus points (remember: contestants MUST be 5 or 6 years away from 50 years old AND have been REALLY POPULAR in 1995)

and last but not least…..

4) Reading Off of the Teleprompter: Contestants will read a heavily scripted prompt that’s written at a sixth grade reading level, with lots of cliche  phrases like – “he’s the king of hip hop” and “she’s really rad!” (and other such phrases used by junior high students from the 1990’s). The contestant who can actually pronounce all the words correctly AND sound like they have an IQ above 4, will gain the most points.

And the BEST part?!?! ABSOLUTELY NO SINGING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Although they may play some Jane’s Addiction and/or No Doubt teasers in and out of commercial breaks….only TIME WILL TELL!)

Gosh, I’m SO EXCITED! Can’t wait! Wonder who will WIN?!? (the prize will be ONE TOUR BUS filled with Estee Lauder’s Snow White foundation – because none of these people use the color of their natural skin tone anyway…and a free day pass to the circus) And so it is! AMEN!

TIP OF THE DAY “MAKEUP”: HOW TO GET MANY FOUNDATION SHADES WITHOUT SPLURGING MONEY?

JUST LIKE A ……..

….clueless, insensitive,sexist performance choice. Wow. It now becomes increasingly more clear why she wanted to end it all! With a significant other who thinks like this, I mean, who wouldn’t feel totally ostracized, demeaned, and lesser-than. These are some of the lyrics that Jagger sang at his dead girlfriend’s funeral/memorial (she committed suicide, remember? ie…DEPRESSION) ONCE AGAIN – his DEAD GIRLFRIEND who COMMITTED SUICIDE (DEPRESSION) – sang these lyrics at HER FUNERAL/MEMORIAL.

And she TAKES JUST LIKE A WOMAN…” (subtext: “They’re ALL GREEDY GOLD DIGGERS who want MY, that’s MY MONEY!” “Selfish BITCH makes ME look bad! She had to kill herself and now I look like the bad guy!)

But she BREAKS JUST like a LITTLE GIRL” (Jagger is TWO DECADES and one year OLDER than is DEAD GIRLFRIEND…subtext: “You WEAK LITTLE THING, I AM THE STRONGER, WISER, RICHER one, and DON’T YOU FORGET IT …..BITCH!!!!)

Nobody has to guess that baby can’t be blessed ’till she sees finally that she’s like all the rest”  (subtext: “All these BITCHES are alike. CRAZY bitches. CRAZY ASS BITCHES!)

Just to reiterate, Jagger performed these LYRICS at HIS DEAD GIRLFRIEND’S MEMORIAL after she COMMITTED SUICIDE (ie. MAJOR DEPRESSION).

Nothing like PUNISHING the victim or being COMPLETELY CLUELESS about mental illness! Why didn’t he just sing “DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD?”  And there’s no protest or uproar about it, ’cause that’s just the way it is. And so it is. GOD BLESS AMERICA. AMEN.

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