The Church of Tell It Like It Is

Posts tagged ‘C-Section’

The “Good” The “Bad” The UGLY

Jesus. I mean really. JESUS. Female bodies are ALWAYS the topic of controversy dictated by the perceptions of  what MALES (and some females’)  THINK a female is supposed to be, while males (I know, not ALL but so many) just let it all hang out – sometimes LITERALLY. (What’s that you say? You’re TIRED of hearing about the injustices? The “whining”?) Well GUESS WHAT? I’m EXHAUSTED from the imbalance too. Take this Octomom/Natalie Suleman chick. She’s DONE with the STRIPPING (ooooh. “BAD”, “BAD”, “BAD” thing that STRIPPING). But when she wants to (or any woman for that matter wants to) risk their life going through pregnancy and childbirth you know SUFFER!!!!! (women MUST SUFFER – that’s what you are put here to do women – SUFFER! it’s all “GOOD”!!!!! (awwwww how “beautiful” having your body stretched out to Kingdom Come while the male just kicks back and hits the STRIP CLUB (“BAD”), the porn, sticks his HPV infected dick into any hole that he wants it to go into (Hi Bill Clinton- Hope Hilary’s Pneumonia is getting better). AND THESE STUPID CRO-MAGNON MEN WHO THINK ALL WOMEN ARE JUST DYING TO HAVE THAT WAD OF SEMEN PARKED INTO THEIR UTERUS AND THAT’S ALL  EVERY WOMAN ON PLANET EARTH LIVES FOR (Having BABIES!!!!!) – to those men – please go directly to hell. Thank you.  Then there’s this MATERNITY LEAVE controversy which to me isn’t a controversy – come up with a way for MEN to get pregnant and we will NEVER HAVE to WORRY ABOUT WARS OR TERRORISM EVER AGAIN, as certain males are always the FIRST ones to WHINE about “injustice” and “being taken advantage of” as CHILDLESS women (GASP! GASP! GOD FORBID!!!!!!!!!) are oftentimes perceived by those on both sides of the fence as carefree and my “favorite”…. SELFISH while many of these self-serving breeders USE their offspring as BUFFER/COVER-UPS to alleviate the guilt of their OWN irresponsible past behaviors they embarked upon on a regular basis LIKE DRIVING DRUNK, CRASHING CARS INTO TREES, DEALING DRUGS, WORKING FOR THE WORLD PEDOPHILE ORGANIZATION (aka the ROMAN catholi-ICK church), GOSSIPING etc. etc. etc………but GOD FORBID somebody’s a STRIPPER!!!! OH NO!!!!! (AS IF the strippers put AK-47’s to mens’ heads and FORCED them to go to the strip clubs). Gimme a break. UGLY. UGLY. UGLY. Ugly Americans.***PS to all the SINGLE fathers out there who sacrifice EVERYTHING for your kids -although I never met one of you in my entire life – this doesn’t apply to you. God Bless America. And so it is. Amen.pregnancy-health-risks-written-pregnant-tummy-18884806slutshaming2_3imgres

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Bruce Honey, You Really Have No Idea No Offense

Hey look I’m all for being yourself (whatever that may be for you) and I don’t care if you change lanes, change sexes or change the color of spray paint if you decide to die yourself green…but when a male who has won track fame, national commercials and parenthood status – all without menstrual cramps, hormonal fluctuations and bleeding from their genitalia for one week straight EVERY SINGLE month since fifth or sixth grade until menopause, I have to say, Mr. Jenner   “You have NO IDEA what it’s like to be a woman. NO OFFENSE.  And best of luck to you and your new transgender role. Seriously. You’ll save a TON on tampons and sanitary napkins for sure.” And so it is. Amen.

Bruce Jenner of the USA celebrates at the 1976 Summer Olympics

 

Menstrual-Cramps-Causes-Remedies

Bloody tampons
Load, pass and wait for the reaction.

More Stupid White Men Speak (Yet Again!)

So this Boomer Esiason guy, who, by the way, will NEVER have to get a C-section in HIS entire life has to say,  “Quite frankly, I would have said C-section before the season starts, I need to be at Opening Day. Then in the ever-so-popular back pedaling strategy he pathetically tried to mitigate his blatant sexism (laced with misogyny – ie. “EVERYBODY KNOWS MALE DOMINATED SPORTS ARE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN A MERE FEMALE’S LIFE/PHYSICAL PAIN/THANK GOD I NEVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT GIRL SHIT/I’M SO GREAT IM A WHITE MALE. NOW KISS MY ASS”) with the “politically correct” apologetic, “I was not telling women what to do with their bodies … I would never do that.” Well bud, TOO LATE….you ALREADY DID. Now. I’m telling him what to do with his body: GO GET A C-SECTION ON YOUR HEAD DUMMY. Then, go get your mouth sewn shut, and go run up and down the football field chasing your balls because evidently, THAT is your primary talent. And so it is. Amen.

75% of My Time Spent on Mate Hunting

Hi! My name is Martyra Breed and I wanted to let everyone know that I followed Princeton graduate Susan Patton’s advice LONG ago and I’m SO glad that I did. Because I spent 75% of my college days looking for that perfect, sperm-dumping, college yuppie, my life has just FLOURISHED. For starters, after getting pregnant at 19, I wasn’t even able to finish college ! That’s right! I had to drop out to take care of that Ivy League offspring that Mr. Yuppie only met twice in his entire life! After all, Mr. Yuppie’s education and social mobility is FAR more important than a MERE breeder’s like myself! That’s what we females are here for – to BREED YUPPIE IVY LEAGUE OFFSPRING!!!!!! Anyway, after having to drop out of college to take care of my Ivy League Offspring, I got a part time job at the B Dalton college bookstore to support myself and my child (Mr. Yuppie just bailed and went off to graduate school with some chick from the LaCrosse team, leaving us to fend for ourselves. Oh well! Stuff Happens! ) But I’m SO glad I BRED when I did, because you know, us females, we have to be young in order to breed. So anyway, I met this professor while working at the book store, and within two years, I was knocked up again with twins. Yup! He was SO happy! And me too! I mean the C-section only gave me a four inch deep gap with permanent scaring for life, and I haven’t slept for more than 2 hours per night since, but if it wasn’t for Susan Patton’s advice, I don’t think I could have ever been THAT HAPPY!!! So when the professor dumped me for one of his students 8 years later, and I still hadn’t finished college and was on welfare trying to support my three kids, I had Susan Patton to think of. Now all three of my kids are in prison, my third husband left me for a college freshman (he’s 52) and I’m still trying to get my Associate’s degree at Mercer County Community College at night while I work at Dunkin’ Donuts in the day. I still think of that stellar advice that Susan Patton gives, and how thankful I am that I spent 75% of my college years focusing on becoming some man’s sperm dumping receptacle while he went on to monetary success and younger, softer pussy once mine was all torn up and stretched out, while I sacrificed my career, education and body like the good, stepping-stone, leaning-post that all great martyrs should.  Thank you Susan Patton for keeping this commendable form of martyrdom alive and well. And so it is. Amen.

 

 

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