The Church of Tell It Like It Is

Posts tagged ‘church’

The Vatican Scoop

Yeah, the Pope has HAD it with the papal scene. Just think about it for a second. You’re 80-something, you have to wear ridiculous looking head wear, hold large shepherd-looking, pole-like things in one hand while waving with the other hand, AND burden your hands with multiple-carat gold rings on your elderly fingers. Sheesh! I’m getting exhausted just thinking about it! On top of that, you have to abide by antiquated rules about abortion, marriage, birth control, act like you’re praying all the time, cover up pedophilia and live in Rome. (Don’t know how he’s done it for so long!). Sister Esparanza Mary Rose Theresa, the Vatican Human Resources director phoned me last week to give me a heads-up about the Pope’s departure. Through her Marlboro Red damaged voice (she told me she smokes 4 packs a day) and thick Italian accent, she proceeded to tell me, that during his exit interview, Benedict confided in her that he’s had a lifelong dream of becoming a rapper. He told her, “If I don’t go after my dreams now, it will never happen.” After offering him a cigarette on her smoke break, she informally asked him if he was working on any upcoming tracks. He knowingly winked, and then told her, that from here on out, he wants to be referred to as “Bennie 16” ONLY. Sister Esparanza thinks his current wardrobe will transition nicely into his new rap career. At any rate, I’ll keep praying. Peace and Blessings.

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