The Church of Tell It Like It Is

Posts tagged ‘Image’

Let Men Go Through This…..

Seriously. I thought that STUPID POPE’S comments about people without kids being “selfish” was the most TYPICALLY ARROGANT crap coming out of the Vatican (what else is new) – and that they give that guy time and energy – is even more ridiculous. But, it ties in to the whole media blitzkrieg and religious campaign of ONCE AGAIN messing with the female mind. (How many ways can we make 100% certain that women will be as LESS THAN as humanly possible!) No kidding that depression is TWICE as common in women than in men. That latest internet article, “….and looks as though she isn’t even pregnant!” OOOOH! NOT PREGNANT! Don’t wanna look PREGNANT…..but yet YOU BETTER SQUEEZE OUT THOSE BABIES or be (GASP!) “SELFISH!!!!”. (And males just deposit their loads in the hole and go on their merry way….fa la la). Jesus! (He didn’t have kids….so I guess according to the Pope (of the ROMAN! Catholic! Church! then Jesus is “selfish”) And so it is. Amen. pope-francis-funny guide-to-flat-abs-header

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Thank You Sharon Osbourne !!!!!!!!!!

Thank you SHARON OSBOURNE for keepin’ it REAL with your latest rant about reality TV singing competitions! UGH! I am SO sick of reality TV singing contests! So boring! So OVER DONE! Speaking of over done…..there’s a NEW REALITY TV SERIES in development now that has a somewhat REFRESHING angle. Instead of American Idol, or America’s Got Talent, or The Voice, this NEW reality show is called THE CLOWN and it focuses on the complexion. You read it right….THE COMPLEXION. The new show, THE CLOWN wants to see if its contestants can really pull the wool over the general public’s eyes. It seeks out some of the most over exposed “talent” that hasn’t had a hit song in over ten years, and has that “talent” compete for the BIG WIN. Ultimately, the “talent” tries to make the general public think that they’re STILL REALLY HIP and RELEVANT,  although they’re  close to 50 years old and still dress like the discount rack at Hot Topic. The pilot show will feature two of the BIGGEST STARS of the 1990’s – Gwen Stefani and Dave Navarro.  Dave and Gwen, who both look REALLY GREAT FOR THEIR AGE (and want EVERYONE TO KNOW IT GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!) will compete in a series of mini-competitions. The total average scores of these mini-competitions will determine the ultimate WINNER. Mini-competitions will include:

1)  Layers of Concealer and Foundation on the Face: Each contestant will turn a corner. The layer of thickness of the foundation that can be seen coming around the corner BEFORE the actual face, will be measured. Whoever has a thicker layer of concealer or foundation wins.

2) The Best Abs: Contestants will lay on the floor with their abdominal muscles exposed. A quarter will be bounced off of the contestants abs. Whoever’s quarter bounces the highest wins.

3) Greatest Dye Job: Contestants will have a clump of their heavily dyed hair measured for amount of treatment and processing in the hair. If there is absolutely NO gray detected, the contestant will receive extra bonus points (remember: contestants MUST be 5 or 6 years away from 50 years old AND have been REALLY POPULAR in 1995)

and last but not least…..

4) Reading Off of the Teleprompter: Contestants will read a heavily scripted prompt that’s written at a sixth grade reading level, with lots of cliche  phrases like – “he’s the king of hip hop” and “she’s really rad!” (and other such phrases used by junior high students from the 1990’s). The contestant who can actually pronounce all the words correctly AND sound like they have an IQ above 4, will gain the most points.

And the BEST part?!?! ABSOLUTELY NO SINGING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Although they may play some Jane’s Addiction and/or No Doubt teasers in and out of commercial breaks….only TIME WILL TELL!)

Gosh, I’m SO EXCITED! Can’t wait! Wonder who will WIN?!? (the prize will be ONE TOUR BUS filled with Estee Lauder’s Snow White foundation – because none of these people use the color of their natural skin tone anyway…and a free day pass to the circus) And so it is! AMEN!

TIP OF THE DAY “MAKEUP”: HOW TO GET MANY FOUNDATION SHADES WITHOUT SPLURGING MONEY?

NO KIDDING !?!?!?

Dr. Drew Pinsky’s daughter Paulina is a bulimic! This is such news! Nobody growing up in Hollywood with rich, famous parents who are obsessed with appearance EVER has this problem.  This is a SHOCK! But not nearly as shocking as Elijah Blue Allman saying that he was on (gasp!) HEROIN! NO! I mean, that known-for-sobriety, pillar of sanity FATHER of his, with his squeaky clean lifestyle: rockin’ and rollin’ with THE ALLMAN BROTHERS…I’m just SPEECHLESS! But WAIT! All of this is NOTHING compared to the EARTH SHATTERING REVELATION that Chris Brown is bi-polar and diagnosed with PTSD! STOP! He’s concealed that SO well over the past few years!  Amazing. Just Amazing. It has been an EVENTFUL day to say the least.

Happy Molly Vs. Pure Heroine

Wow. Yet another Disney casualty has opened up her mouth to Rolling Stone and said something that sounds really superficial, idiotic, and quite frankly, really stupid. Yup. It’s Miley Cyrus, telling the public most recently that weed and molly are like so totally happy (according to her). If American pop celebrities coming from the Disney-mill didn’t already have THE ditziest image ever – completely void of intellectualism and reeking of bubble gum flavored cotton candy commercialism – then Miley really fortified that idea of dumbed-down American pop glitz idol with her latest conversation put in print with the iconic publication.  Which makes new, up and coming songstress (who hails from Auckland, New Zealand)Ella-Yelich O’Connor, more commonly known as LORDE all the more refreshing. FINALLY!!!!! Someone who seems to have a brain!!!!!!!!!! And wouldn’t you know it? The young crooner who sings about NOT caring about bling, and status, and limos in the most poetic and lyrically superior way, with her song “ROYALS” (most popular on iTunes), is NOT from Disney USA and is only 16 years old; four years younger than Ms. Cyrus. Even when she fucks up in the eyes of the public relations machine  (like recently, when she made some remark about Taylor Swift she’s professional and mature about it and speaks to what she meant without sounding like a sheltered 10 year old (Ahem. SOME stars may want to take note). Her album PURE HEROINE is not only fun and enjoyable to listen to like ear candy, the lyrics and meaning behind it present a blatant and much needed departure from the mass produced and empty-calorie air-headedness that SO many teen pop sensations fall prey to in the Americanized copy and pate, click and shoot, celebrity template that has become all too familiar. Thank YOU LORDE!!!!!!! Alleluiah!!! Amen.

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