Jesus. I mean really. JESUS. Female bodies are ALWAYS the topic of controversy dictated by the perceptions of what MALES (and some females’) THINK a female is supposed to be, while males (I know, not ALL but so many) just let it all hang out – sometimes LITERALLY. (What’s that you say? You’re TIRED of hearing about the injustices? The “whining”?) Well GUESS WHAT? I’m EXHAUSTED from the imbalance too. Take this Octomom/Natalie Suleman chick. She’s DONE with the STRIPPING (ooooh. “BAD”, “BAD”, “BAD” thing that STRIPPING). But when she wants to (or any woman for that matter wants to) risk their life going through pregnancy and childbirth you know SUFFER!!!!! (women MUST SUFFER – that’s what you are put here to do women – SUFFER! it’s all “GOOD”!!!!! (awwwww how “beautiful” having your body stretched out to Kingdom Come while the male just kicks back and hits the STRIP CLUB (“BAD”), the porn, sticks his HPV infected dick into any hole that he wants it to go into (Hi Bill Clinton- Hope Hilary’s Pneumonia is getting better). AND THESE STUPID CRO-MAGNON MEN WHO THINK ALL WOMEN ARE JUST DYING TO HAVE THAT WAD OF SEMEN PARKED INTO THEIR UTERUS AND THAT’S ALL EVERY WOMAN ON PLANET EARTH LIVES FOR (Having BABIES!!!!!) – to those men – please go directly to hell. Thank you. Then there’s this MATERNITY LEAVE controversy which to me isn’t a controversy – come up with a way for MEN to get pregnant and we will NEVER HAVE to WORRY ABOUT WARS OR TERRORISM EVER AGAIN, as certain males are always the FIRST ones to WHINE about “injustice” and “being taken advantage of” as CHILDLESS women (GASP! GASP! GOD FORBID!!!!!!!!!) are oftentimes perceived by those on both sides of the fence as carefree and my “favorite”…. SELFISH while many of these self-serving breeders USE their offspring as BUFFER/COVER-UPS to alleviate the guilt of their OWN irresponsible past behaviors they embarked upon on a regular basis LIKE DRIVING DRUNK, CRASHING CARS INTO TREES, DEALING DRUGS, WORKING FOR THE WORLD PEDOPHILE ORGANIZATION (aka the ROMAN catholi-ICK church), GOSSIPING etc. etc. etc………but GOD FORBID somebody’s a STRIPPER!!!! OH NO!!!!! (AS IF the strippers put AK-47’s to mens’ heads and FORCED them to go to the strip clubs). Gimme a break. UGLY. UGLY. UGLY. Ugly Americans.***PS to all the SINGLE fathers out there who sacrifice EVERYTHING for your kids -although I never met one of you in my entire life – this doesn’t apply to you. God Bless America. And so it is. Amen.
I “love” when people, with upmost sincerity, look at me with a perplexed look on their faces and say, “So Why Don’t You Have Kids?” This particularly irks me when this, in my opinion, BEYOND ridiculous question, comes from the mouth of a clueless white male who never goes through childbirth or pregnancy a day in his life and who has had a stay-at-home “Betty Crocker” type mother – the kind who has never worked outside of the home. (I won’t NAME anybody out on this today especially if they are NOT a celebrity) (even though they THINK they are). So Carly Fiorina doesn’t think everybody in America should get maternity leave. Did you hear that all you parents out there? PRO LIFE advocates (WHATEVER the fuck that means…seriously…I’m cracking up laughing right now) REALLY have this section in their brain that thinks money grows on trees. Their argument? Let the COMPANIES decide. Well, having been FIRED by MORE THAN ONE COMPANY (PLURAL. PLURAL. PLURAL) because I had to attend funeral services or near-death-experience-of-family members (while WHITE MEN discuss PLAYBOY MANSION outings and show pictures of tits on their phones in the CORPORATE environment – 30, 40, 50 year old men not teenagers) I’m really not TRUSTING companies to look out for ANYBODY’s DAMN INTEREST ESPECIALLY the one who is going through childbirth and pregnancy while her counterpart is discussing Playboy Mansion outings and whacking off to tits on his phone. Not to mention the absolute and blatant discrimination of workers in this country who CHOOSE NOT to breed. I mean, it’s ridiculous. And so it is. God Bless America. Amen.
So this Boomer Esiason guy, who, by the way, will NEVER have to get a C-section in HIS entire life has to say, “Quite frankly, I would have said C-section before the season starts, I need to be at Opening Day.” Then in the ever-so-popular back pedaling strategy he pathetically tried to mitigate his blatant sexism (laced with misogyny – ie. “EVERYBODY KNOWS MALE DOMINATED SPORTS ARE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN A MERE FEMALE’S LIFE/PHYSICAL PAIN/THANK GOD I NEVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT GIRL SHIT/I’M SO GREAT IM A WHITE MALE. NOW KISS MY ASS”) with the “politically correct” apologetic, “I was not telling women what to do with their bodies … I would never do that.” Well bud, TOO LATE….you ALREADY DID. Now. I’m telling him what to do with his body: GO GET A C-SECTION ON YOUR HEAD DUMMY. Then, go get your mouth sewn shut, and go run up and down the football field chasing your balls because evidently, THAT is your primary talent. And so it is. Amen.