The Church of Tell It Like It Is

Posts tagged ‘vatican’

Putting the “Ick” in Cathol-ic

So Frankie and the crew (the Catholic Power Bishops) are calling this group of progressive nuns “radical feminists” because they’re leaning toward birth control rights in Catholic run private companies. (ya’ know, birth control, that “evil” stuff that prevents women from having to go through postpartum depression, hemorrhaging, infections, severe weight gain, back ache, vaginal tearing, pelvic girdle pain, fatigue, bleeding, cramping, excruciating labor, risk of death, postpartum paralysis (my own mother was paralyzed from the waste down for six months after I popped out), losing sleep, losing traction in the career, , spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to feed, clothe, and educate the post birth child. (Not to mention hoping that once going through all of that the child doesn’t turn out like Adam Lanza). These same “family values” power Bishops hail from the historically famous system that burned Joan of Arc at the stake, raped and molested countless children across the decades, if not centuries (that’s plural folks), and continues to denounce homosexuality (I think it’s called self-loathing when you’re in denial about who you really are). My, my. How Catholic. “Ick”.

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Frankie Goes to Hollywood

The electricity was in the air that night. The excited crowd gathered beneath the well lit, make-shift proscenium arch that served as the backdrop with the red velvet curtain on the balcony. The heavily costumed background crew, with their signature red pointed caps (attempting to simulate birds) gathered around the central figure who was decked out in a flowing white robe with matching dove- colored, miniature skull cap. Camera crews surrounded the VIP* section, rapidly snapping publicity shots and gathering footage for the live feed, as the masses of screaming groupies waved their flags. This was Frankie’s big debut. This was his shot at the big time. Gone were the days of taking the bus. After today, his PayPal account would now be upgraded to the Papal account (Deluxe version), and the red carpet would now be rolled out, with a mini-riot of Pope-a-razzi at his every visit, outing, and screening. Don’t cry for him Argentina, he’ll be alright. And I’ll keep praying too. Blessings. *Very Important Pedophiles

BELOW the standards………..

So Cardinal O’Brien, who formerly said that he was innocent of sexual inappropriateness, is now saying that he DID in fact embark on some questionable sexual activity. Here’s his latest quote straight from the CNN page:

“I wish to take this opportunity to admit that there have been times that my sexual conduct has fallen below the standards expected of me as a priest, archbishop and cardinal,” 

Ok. So according to this silly, insincere quote, there is implication that there ARE sexual standards for priests, archbishops and cardinals, and he has fallen BELOW them.  And what, by heavens, might these priestly sexual standards be? Was he under the table with three altar boys at one time when he should have only been with one at a time? I mean this is the same guy that was supposedly anti-gay a short time ago? (I’m laughing).

Twisted. Hypocritical. Liar. Once. Again. Amen.

The Vatican Scoop

Yeah, the Pope has HAD it with the papal scene. Just think about it for a second. You’re 80-something, you have to wear ridiculous looking head wear, hold large shepherd-looking, pole-like things in one hand while waving with the other hand, AND burden your hands with multiple-carat gold rings on your elderly fingers. Sheesh! I’m getting exhausted just thinking about it! On top of that, you have to abide by antiquated rules about abortion, marriage, birth control, act like you’re praying all the time, cover up pedophilia and live in Rome. (Don’t know how he’s done it for so long!). Sister Esparanza Mary Rose Theresa, the Vatican Human Resources director phoned me last week to give me a heads-up about the Pope’s departure. Through her Marlboro Red damaged voice (she told me she smokes 4 packs a day) and thick Italian accent, she proceeded to tell me, that during his exit interview, Benedict confided in her that he’s had a lifelong dream of becoming a rapper. He told her, “If I don’t go after my dreams now, it will never happen.” After offering him a cigarette on her smoke break, she informally asked him if he was working on any upcoming tracks. He knowingly winked, and then told her, that from here on out, he wants to be referred to as “Bennie 16” ONLY. Sister Esparanza thinks his current wardrobe will transition nicely into his new rap career. At any rate, I’ll keep praying. Peace and Blessings.

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